Boy Dreams

Terrifying dreams as a boy. No apparent reason.

Gang wars. Shotgun blasts. Running. Screaming.

Quick, shoot back. Gun won't fire.

Run. Hide.

Falling from high places. Being naked. Caught streaking. Reality matches my dreams.

Run. Hide.

This can't be real.

I am in my underpants. The kids laugh and point. It seems real enough.

Run. Hide.

Dismay. Confusion. Feels like large waves.

Fear. Self-hurt. Anger. Get the gun rage.

Why?

Booze. Drugs. Numb the pain.

Run. Hide.

Impatience owns me. Speed kills

Fall, hit hard. Skid. My skin burns after the jeans.

Ouch. Pain. This doesn’t hurt.

I cry often. I scream.

Run. Hide.

Wait. There is a light amid the darkness. Then, a moment of clarity.

I see something. It is much bigger than me.

This light blinds me. It loves me unconditionally.

Am I free? “Not yet. Keep doing the work.”

Surrender. Time for recovery. I heal.

The journey continues; ebb and flow. Two steps forward. One back.

Time to go.

Time to be true to me. Time to live and love life.

I am free.